Therapy for Sex Addiction: Dealing With Intimacy

Any definition, discussion or exploration of compulsive sexuality begins thusly:

“Sex addiction is an intimacy disorder characterized by” blah, blah, blah.

Then it goes on to name the symptoms: pre-occupation with thoughts sexual; persistent, unrelenting urges to sexually act out; continued use despite adverse consequences, loss of control and so forth.

Such definitions are frustratingly vague. While emphasis is given to the symptoms of sex addiction, the idea of it being “an intimacy disorder” never seems to be addressed. This is unfortunate, indeed. I think a “disordered” pattern of intimate relations is at the core and foundation of this debilitating syndrome.

Vanilla sex addiction, fetishism, exhibitionism/voyeurism, BDSM, and all the other various and moribund kinds of sexual perversions are fueled by the very basic (and healthy) motivation to connect.

Sadly, somehow or other, the urge to connect is misfired. Rather than seeking a real relationship with a real person who might, in fact, satisfy some of one’s real relational needs, the sexually compulsive tries to connect with the “unreal” in fantasy. It is a solo act. Sex, for a person who has a perversion or addiction, is always a narcissistic, self-centered endeavor. It is not related sex. The endorphin rush of the sexual high is so dear to them that it precludes any idea of sharing sexual pleasure with a cherished one in the service of enhancing a bond.

What is intimacy?

Let’s look at the word “intimacy”. From the dictionary: the word is derived from the Latin intima, meaning “inner” or “inner-most.” The definition suggests that to be intimate, you need to know your real self. This ability to be in touch with our inner core is a requisite to being intimate.

Our intima holds the innermost part of ourselves, our most profound feelings, our enduring motivations, our values, our sense of right and wrong and our most embedded convictions about life. Importantly, our intima also includes that which enables us to express these innermost aspects of our person to “the other”.

So, to be in relationship, and to know yourself/your partner sexually, you need to know and respect your intima. The intima is also the way in which we value and esteem ourselves and determines how we are with being with others. To put it simply, if don’t value yourself, you can’t value another. If you’re not aware of needs and wants, or are shamed by them, then sex becomes no more than a fuck.

I think every person I’ve ever seen in my consulting room for sexual compulsions suffers from estrangement from his intimus. We can survive the disapproval of others. The feeling can be painful, but it’s nothing compared to the disapproval of ourselves. Your personal well being and your ability to love another cannot survive your dislike or disrespect of yourself. If you dislike yourself, you’ll never be comfortable with your sexuality.

It bears repeating… the outstanding quality of intimacy is the sense of being in touch with our real selves. When “the other” also knows and is able to express his/her real self, intimacy happens. Sexuality is both an expression of that intimacy and a bond that enhances intimacy. With this kind of personal/sexual intimacy, our growth experience as humans is energized, enhanced, and fueled. Intimacy is the most meaningful and courageous of human experiences. It’s why people long for it so.

The Perils of Intimacy

However, despite this universal longing, fear and avoidance of intimacy is a reality for many people. People fear and even dread that which they most long for. No wonder there’s such a demand for psychotherapists!

So why would people fear, avoid or sabotage this wonderful thing called intimacy and, in the process, avoid person-related sex?

Sexual compulsion is the end point, the tip of the iceberg, if you will, of a long history of developmental events that begin in early attachment difficulties with caretakes, subsequent overwhelming experiences the child is unable to assimilate, an impaired ability to regulate feelings and impaired self-development.

The capacity for bonding with others is vital for human survival and well-being. Our capacity for intimacy is formed in the crucible of the first two years of life. Mothers that are needy, narcissistic, depressed, enmeshed (over-involved), distant, too protective, controlling, chronically angry, addicted to substances, frustrated with their husbands and displace their needs onto their children… raise children who have the psychic imprint of closeness as being dangerous. They also raise children who will carry self-hatred into their adult lives unless they get good treatment.

If the child’s need for attention, soothing, stimulation, affection, touch, discipline, validation, and so on goes unmet, or is met with feedback that is punishing, invalidating or rejecting, the consequences are woven into the structure of the developing personality. Such children may turn into themselves and disconnect from others, regulating their emotions through the use of substances or process addiction, like sex. They fail to learn to utilize others to soothe or comfort themselves. This increases the child’s vulnerability to mental health problems. These people actively seek familiar environmental interaction, thereby recreating and reenacting familiar early rejections and frustrations with others. They spend their lives further cementing their original isolation.

They develop a rigid defense system (boundaries, walls, turning inward to not need others) in order to psychologically survive. But what worked for them as children doesn’t work for them as adults. For these people, the vulnerability of intimacy harkens back to a time when they were vulnerable as children and they fear re-traumatization in their current relationship.

When a person like this is loved – seen in an affirmative light and encouraged to grow and change – this rigid defensive structure is threatened, so their psychological equilibrium is disrupted. Being loved is not congruent with the negative tapes they run about themselves. They can’t allow the reality of being loved to affect their basic defensive structure. Being vulnerable and open to change feels so threatening that they eschew close relationships and mature sexuality.

Entering into a relationship without having some resolution of childhood wounds results in various kinds of fear of intimacy: fear of being found inadequate, fear of engulfment, fear of the loss of control, fear of losing autonomy, fear of attack, fear of disappointment and betrayal, fear of guilt and fear of rejection and abandonment and so forth.

For this reason, I believe that current sex addiction therapy doesn’t go far enough. Focusing on symptom change techniques, such as relapse prevention, abstinence and social skills training, is necessary, but not sufficient. Successful treatment for sexual compulsions ultimately depends on a depth-approach that can ameliorate the underlying attachment disorders and manifestations in adult intimacy. Literally, a new pattern of way of attaching needs to be “carved” into the brain – the person learns a totally different model of relating.

The 5 Worst Things About Sex When I Had A Small Penis! (I’m Now 8 Inches Long and 6 Inches Around)

My penis is currently 8 inches long and 6 inches around. Needless to say, I don’t have a lot of insecurities when it comes to sex. I actually live for the moment when I’m getting intimate with a girl for the first time and I get to reveal my penis that she has never seen before. I love seeing the look on her face, the way her eyes get big, her jaw kind of drops, and I love it when she makes a comment such as, “Oh my gosh, you’re STRAPPED!” However, this wasn’t always the case. When I was endowed below average in both length and girth, sex wasn’t nearly as satisfying — mainly because I knew the girls I was with were not being satisfied as much as they wanted to be. Below are the 5 worst things about having sex with a small penis, as experienced by me when I had a small penis!

1. Slipping out! You know those dreams we have all had at one time or another, usually when we were kids, that involved appearing on stage or somewhere else in public, and not realizing until we were actually there that we were totally naked. Remember how embarrassing that was, even in a dream? Well that embarrassment doesn’t touch what it is like to be getting into it with a girl, and having your penis keep popping out because it’s too small to remain firmly inserted. What added insult to injury was that every time it ever happened with a girl, the irritation and annoyance in her eyes was very discernible.

2. The occasional rude girl who would make a comment. Honestly, most girls I was intimate with when I had a small penis didn’t make an issue of it. Sure, it was pretty clear they weren’t being fully satisfied, and some did a better job holding in their disappointment than others. But few actually commented on the size, and usually the ones who did were sympathetic, sometimes throwing out an old classic such as, “It’s not the size but how you use it.” However, there’s always that one girl who just can’t keep her thoughts to herself, and when you run into that girl and she makes a comment (the one I experienced used the adjective “peanut” — ouch!) it sure doesn’t feel good to the ego!

3. No sex tapes. It’s no secret why 90% of celebrity men who have sex tapes “leak” are well endowed. It’s because small guys don’t dare let evidence of their “shortcomings” go to film. Now that I’m hung, I can make a sex tape with impunity, and if it does get out, it will only enhance my reputation!

4. Limited positions. Slipping out is embarrassing enough, but what is worse is not even being able to utilize more creative positions because your penis just isn’t big enough to maneuver into the girl! My sex was very basic when I was small, but now that I’m big, there’s nothing I love doing more than pulling up an adult film on my computer when I’m with a girl, and following along with every move!

5. Girls talk! Think about the way you and your buddies sit around and (sometimes crudely) discuss women. You think women honestly don’t do the same thing to us? Really? All I will say is that when I was small, there were many times when I would be talking to a girl who had never seen my penis, and at some point she (usually accidentally) let it slip that she knew I wasn’t packing much — because I used to date or sleep with her friend. The corollary to this is that when you’re large, girls talk about that too, and sometimes you’ll get easy sex opportunities because one of them wants to experience what her friend has bragged about!

If you are ready to take action like I did and increase the size of your penis FAST, here is a link to the exact method I used to go from a humiliating 5.5 inches to very well endowed:

How Women Enjoy Eroticism Through Sex Stories

Most heterosexual women do not masturbate. They also do not find the concepts of eroticism or fantasy that appealing. So who reads all the feminine erotica out there?

Presumably some lesbian women masturbate and read erotica. In fact, female masturbation and clitoral stimulation are often associated with lesbianism. Perhaps this is why so much female erotica focuses on women’s bodies and sex between women.

No offence to lesbian or bisexual women but I am straight. I like male body parts, male psyche and sexual acts involving men. The woman is incidental. I enjoy homosexual erotica because I imagine myself on the receiving end of fellatio or anal sex, for example.

Female erotica often includes humiliation, domination and sadism. The titles of women’s sex stories abound with words such as: slave, chains, torture, bound, obey, submission. Do women associate sex with feeling ‘dirty’ or guilty about their sexual urges?

I like the wholehearted enthusiasm for sex that is portrayed in homosexual erotica. There is no virginal reluctance or demure disgust. People just enjoy the eroticism of sexual activity without anyone being forced into anything against their will (not always but mostly).

I admit that domination can be arousing. Given there is so much out there I have read my share. One book of sex stories involved a series of sadistic scenarios and frankly I was quite relieved when I eventually tired of the never-ending pain. My conclusion is that the concept of sadism may get me going but, for me at least, it does not cause orgasm.

It was a revelation to me that, unlike pornography, erotica is not intended solely for the purposes of causing sexual arousal. Perhaps this explains why I often struggle to find sex stories for women that can assist with orgasm. I have to wonder though… what else does anyone read this stuff for?

Shere Hite was phenomenal but sadly few women relate to her findings. This is because most women approach sex through their relationship with their lover. They have no concept of enjoying their own sexual arousal through clitoral stimulation. Equally they have never discovered the pleasures of sexual fantasies.

I read Hite when I was twenty and I understood that clitoral stimulation was critical to female orgasm from masturbation. However, clitoral stimulation never seemed to help with my sexual arousal during sex with my partner. The fact is that even during female masturbation, clitoral stimulation only leads to orgasm when it is combined with the use of sexual fantasies.

Men have a fairly natural transition from masturbation to sex because they use images of naked women for arousal. Women do not use images of naked men during masturbation so it is more difficult for them to transfer their orgasm techniques including their use of sexual fantasies to sex with a partner.

Couples and Sexuality – Amp Up Your Sex Life This Summer by Cooling Down!

Would you like to beat the heat to enhance your sex life this summer? Extreme heat in the summer months can be a love repellant, especially when you feel hot and bothered or when the kids are up and around for more hours. This can create a challenge for you making love with your partner. Does this sound familiar? If so, read on for some solutions….

It’s a hot one this year! Keeping hydrated with clean water at all times is of the utmost importance for your health and your sex life, no matter what activities you do. Here are five fun and affordable ideas on keeping your love life hot while your body stays cool this summer:

Love tip 1: Pool party for two
Cool down in the water then heat things up! Float, relax, and break out the rafts and noodles; whatever floats your boat! Play some nice soft music while you dip. Taking a swim in your pool is a wonderful way to cool down and connect. Remember to flirt, hug, and smooch in the pool to amp things up. If you have a private pool, then skinny dipping can be very daring and arousing. Take your time- move slowly towards and away from each other playfully. Making love in the water is a fun way to share your passion while staying cool, especially at night when the temperature drops a bit. If you have kids, send them to Grandmas or your favorite sitter for the night!

Love tip 2: Romantic indoor picnic:
Buy or prepare some cool treats for the two of you- veggie platter, cold salads, fruits, cheeses or anything else chilled and easy that you enjoy eating together. Make some cold drinks such as spiked lemonade, Mojitos or Margaritas. Remember that alcohol dehydrates, so drink some extra water with your picnic dinner. Set up your picnic blanket in the middle of the room. Light some small candle jars around the room and set the mood. One or both of you can prepare the feast.

Feed each other slowly in-between kissing and teasing each other. Enjoy yourselves by candlelight. You can also enhance the mood with nature CDs such as ocean, forest, lake, or whatever you find most romantic. Tonight, make love in a different room, such as the living room on the picnic blanket. Focus on giving each other oral pleasure tonight, so each of you has a turn to lay back, relax, and stay cool while enjoying the bliss of orgasm!
Love tip 3: Romantic movie date:

This cool date can be at home or out. If you go out to the movies, find a very romantic movie out in the theaters. There is usually at least one each summer. Find a seat in the back of the theater. Hold hands! Steal a kiss or two. Whisper sweet something to each other about what you will do to each other later. Share some popcorn and chilled water while you enjoy the movie. Laugh, cry, and then go home to make love.

Love tip 4: Racy movie date:
If you are at home, rent or buy a racy movie. There is a company called Candida Royalle that offers some softer adult films with cheesy romantic story lines. One site you can get them at is Adam Eve. You can also find some harder core adult films on that site, depending on your tastes. You can have fun with these movies, giggle or reenact some of the scenes together. Try some different sexual positions tonight, such as woman on top facing away from the man. This allows for maximum air circulation and freedom to move in a way that pleases her. Don’t forget to reach around to stimulate her clitoris to send her into O-land! Remember to drink plenty of water, and top it off with ice cream or some fruit salad.

Love tip 5: Cool and Hot Shower Time:
Instead of taking a hot shower tonight, make the water lukewarm or on the cooler side. Bring some waterproof toys such as I rub my duckie or a waterproof vibrator. You can also use a movable shower head that has different speeds for some soapy fun! Spend time lathering each other up. Take your time and use a nice scented soap, such as mango, raspberry or lemon.

By the way, vibrators can be for him and her! Massage each others back and front areas, focusing first away from the genitals and then later to the genitals. To stimulate her, use circular motions with the vibrator around the labia and clitoris where most of the nerve endings are. Later, insert one or two fingers gently into her vaginal canal. She may be able to reach one, two, three or more orgasms this way in a row. To get him going, stimulate his penis with one hand and using the vibrator underneath his testicles. Ask for feedback to see how it feels. Some people like vibrators and some don’t. Experiment with different speeds. When you are done, rinse off and dry each other off and then fall asleep together. Turn on the ceiling fans for some extra breeze.

Sex Story: How to Craft a Great One

When it comes to sex, so much emphasis is placed on what people do. And for obvious reason. But what about what people say? Particularly for long-distance lovers, words become an important device for expressing themselves and connecting sexually. While men must focus on maintaining good penile health so that any visual materials they send aren’t alarming, and so that they will be able to perform once the lover is nearby, they should equally attend to their verbal abilities so they can please partners in the present with a tailored sex story.

Now, anyone can tell a sex story, but not everyone can tell a truly thrilling one. Below, men can find tips for telling a tale that stokes a lover’s passion. And, while this is certainly desired in the case of long-distance lovers, it can also be of benefit to those near and dear, spicing things up in the bedroom.

1. Learn what she likes (and doesn’t). Any man can tell a story about what he likes, and about what other women he’s been with have liked, but tailoring a story to a particular lover’s preferences and fantasies will make all the difference for her. So some explicit pre-conversation will be very helpful. Does she have any kinks or fetishes? What positions does she love? Does she like to be in control, to relinquish control or a combination of the two? What kind of foreplay really gets her going? Where are her hot spots, inside and out?

Once a man has the details, he can use them wisely throughout his story. He should be careful not to turn the story into a formulaic bullet-point list of her desires. Intersperse aspects of what she likes with what the story-teller craves – having made sure that she is comfortable with what he likes. Learning what she doesn’t like is just as important here.

2. Get into her pleasure. This is one of the most important general sex tips, not just a story-telling tip. But a story is going to be much better if a man not only “ticks the boxes” of a lady’s preferences, but actually gets into the idea of pleasuring her. This opens him up to more descriptive language, imagining her writhing, moaning, gasping and so on, and responding sexually himself to her reactions, describing how much he enjoys the pleasure his “character” is giving hers.

3. Interactive or monologue? Lovers can play around with different formats for story-telling. They may want to start off exchanging monologues about what they want to do and to have done to them. Then they can move to live chatting or speaking in which the primary story-teller is open to interjections and revisions from the other, or the two can take equal turns building the tale.

4. It’s all in the details. Telling a great sex story requires consistency and detail – imagine the way bodies are positioned throughout, and make reasonable transitions to other positions. Were her hands tied behind her back? If she’s going to use her hands on one’s member in the next scene, they need to be untied, for example. Breaking consistency can break the magic of a steamy tale.

5. Be realistic. The best sex story is realistic. If a man writes or says that the second he enters a woman, she climaxes, that’s not likely to titillate her because it’s not likely to happen in real life. Don’t write about crazy positions that her flexibility or one’s own strength would not facilitate. While it may seem like no big deal to portray ideals and wild fantasies, this could convey to her that a man wants or expects things she can’t deliver, and that’s not a sexy thought.

Many couples choose to supplement their verbal tales with risqué pictures, and that’s a great idea for people who trust one another. A good sex tip for guys in this vein is to be mindful to make their organs as presentable as possible so that their dick pics are appealing. Minding the condition of the skin is crucial here. A penis health crème (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil) with Shea butter and vitamin E will keep the skin moisturized, eliminated the common issues of dryness and flakiness. Plus, such a product will help minimize chafing, which is inevitable with all the cranking a man is likely to do while crafting and receiving hot sex stories.

Sex Stories – Tips For a Great Swinging Couples Party

You’re no stranger to block parties and birthdays, but now you’re looking to throw a party with a little more of an adult theme? For wild couples, swing parties can be fun for an anniversary or special birthday, or they can be great events for you to organize regularly. So what do you have to consider? As in all sex stories, what’s important are the fundamentals:

Where to Have your Party

Your own home is your best bet for your party as a new host. You might be tempted to hold a party outside in warm weather- lots of space, beautiful scenery and easy cleanup. But this isn’t wise unless you live VERY far away from your neighbors.
You may think a high fence or tall trees provide privacy, but even if your neighbors can’t see you, they can still hear you! This can result in a complaint and an unfortunate police visit.
Attempts to hide your party attendees’ sounds with loud music won’t work. Those bright colorful lights you’ll see aren’t festive decorations, but police cars out front.
All this considered, it’s best to keep the action inside when you start out. If you’re a real beginner, you’ll also want to attend a few swing parties before trying to host your own.
Sometimes people consider hosting as an easy way to make some money, but like most plans for fast money, it’s not as simple as it looks. It’s important to plan your parties well, and you’re not hosting a spectator sport. In order to get along with your guests and have a good party, you should be into swinging yourself.

The Guest List

In the beginning you should invite people you know from other swingers’ parties and groups. You’ll want to get more comfortable with hosting and more familiar with swinging before you let strangers show up.
Saturday night’s alright for swinging- people tend to be too tired to get into it at the end of the week on Friday. It’s a good idea to start promoting your party about a month in advance, and encourage people to bring people they actually know, but not friends of friends.
Make this rule very clear: couples only!! Single men often try to crash to take advantage of what they imagine is just one big orgy- that’s not what this is about. Single men or women can cause jealousies and complications. Limiting your guest list to couples allows everyone to relax and enjoy themselves.

What to Serve your Guests

It’s illegal to sell alcohol without a liquor license so you can’t charge for alcohol or you could be arrested. Instead, charge a fee per couple to attend and give away the food and liquor. $30 per couple is a standard charge, or you can charge a smaller fee and make it BYOB.
One of the first things you should establish is how many couples you can accommodate, depending on space, your comfort, and the energy you want your party to have. You can overbook by 50% because a lot of people may not show up.
Require that people RSVP by e-mail. This way, you’ll have the e-mails of all the people who are attending so you can send them the time, date and location of the party, along with rules and any fun details of a theme if you’re having one (these are common at swing parties.)

Speaking of Rules…

You should say up front whether you’ll allow smoking and any kind of cameras/documentation. These can make some guests uncomfortable, so they should know what they’re getting into.
Make it clear that the party is supposed to be fun and safe for everyone, and you won’t tolerate drunkenness or fighting.
Also, all activities will be completely consensual and no one will have to participate in anything they aren’t comfortable with.

Use these simple guidelines and you’ll have your guests coming again and again!

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Sex Stories – Could it Be the Climax to a Great Night’s Sleep?

Did you know that sex stories may be the answer to getting a good night’s sleep? Yup, that’s right sex stories. Sounds a heck of a lot better than Valium or elephant sized doses of sleepy time tea, doesn’t it? Sex has been proven to be a great sleep inducer and spicing up your sex life with sex stories can be a big help in getting the sleep you need. There is no argument that the restorative powers of sleep are needed for a healthy and happy lifestyle. Sex stories can help add to your sex life making the sex better as well as your sleep.

Not sleeping can be dangerous to your health, but using sex stories as a sex aid can help stem off the negative stimuli that causes us not to be able to sleep. Studies have shown that sleep deprivation can bring on serious disease such as dementia and Parkinson’s disease. Not to mention how it can generally mess up other things in your life like your work, family life relationships, etc. The key is to wind your body and brain down just before bed and sex is the perfect way to do that. Using sex stories can put your in the mood to have sex by exciting your mind and helping to reach a better and more satisfying orgasm. That is what puts you to sleep, the release.

Some may argue that reading sex stories would get your brain too excited and may not be the best way to get a good night’s slumber. Not true. As mentioned before, it’s the release in sex that brings the mind and body down into a restful satisfied state more conducive to deep sleep. Excitement before bed such as action movies or going for a jog or other exercise have negative effects on your sleep because the endorphin build up stimulates your brain without the benefit of release. This is what causes your brain to work overtime and diminishes your ability to fall asleep.

Sex stories definitely have a nice dual effect don’t they? Spicing up your sex life while enjoying a restful night’s sleep should sound pretty good to just about anyone! Sleep is so important to your health, so is sex, so this sleep remedy is a real winner! Sure is a lot more attractive than trips to the doctor, pharmacy or the health food store.

What Pornography Can Teach Men About Having Great Sex, Orgasms and Making Her Sexually Satisfied

When you think about it, pornographic movies are a little ridiculous. The men are impossibly proportioned, the sex is entirely for the man’s benefit, and the man shows all the intimacy and emotional range of a sponge. In short, it is sex perfectly tailored to men! No surprises then that when we try it with our partners, the usual responses is negative… really negative.

While that might seem the end of it, most of us know (Either from personal experience or from watching the recent proliferation of sex tapes on the internet) that some people are having sex that would make any adult movie star proud. The question is: what are they doing that most guys aren’t?

Women and Porn-star Sex

Most women are willing to experiment with some elements of porn-star sex, they just don’t like the other elements. Unsurprisingly, women find a total lack of intimacy a huge turn-off: after all it could be anyone underneath your favorite star and he’d have sex exactly the same way! There is a key message for men everywhere: don’t ever think that your hips moving like a jackrabbit can ever replace basic intimacy!

Often in these movies, the guys act in a very dominant way. While this may seem like a bad thing to try in your sex life, in fact this is often something that guys forget: just make sure not to confuse being manly with being mean! It is okay to act dominant and in-control during sex, for many women it is a key part of the sex fantasy.

In porn everything is done for the man’s benefit, which is one of many reasons why women don’t usually like watching it. If you want to try these kind of acts in real life, they need to be about both of your pleasures. The cowgirl, for example, is mostly used to get some ‘good’ shots in movies, whereas in real life it is an excellent way to give her a G-spot orgasm. However not all sex acts that take place in porn are about her pleasure, so the question is how do things that seem entirely about the guy’s pleasure become something that she will want to do.

For Whose Pleasure?

That is where making sure that you have great sex is really important. Sex should always be able getting to the goal where you get pleasure from touching her and she gets pleasure from touching you. A good example of this is anal sex. A lot of guys just ‘stick it in’ hurting her (And possibly themselves!) in the act, however if done correctly so that you make sure that it is pleasurable to her throughout, anal sex should stimulate the erogenous zones in a different way to ‘regular sex’.

While there are better ways to learn than watching these kinds of movies, there are lessons to be learned. You should never consider going out of your way to repeat the sexual acrobatics of your favorite star, but there is nothing wrong with using some techniques in the right way.

Telling Sex Stories Can Lead to a Great Orgasm – Secrets to Dirty Talk Sex

Telling sexy stories and talking dirty in bed can lead to having better intercourse and ultimately a great orgasm. Using dirty talk is really a form of foreplay and by using it you can stimulate you partner and turn them on. Many people get into a routine and this can become boring and lead to a non exciting love life. You need to spice it up and telling each other sexy stories can be one great options to put you in the mood.

The first thing that you want to do is to find out what fantasies the other one has this way you can cater the story around that interest. Do not be afraid to try this new technique on each other because you need to try new things always to keep your love life fresh and interesting. Women like it when you talk softly in there ear so you may want to tell your sex story there so that they can fell you close to them.

It is important that when you are talking dirty that you also caress and message each other so that you can hear and feel the pleasure. Remember that when a woman is going to have an orgasm that it is very important that you have prolonged foreplay because they take longer than a man to climax. Never rush through your love making or foreplay because you need to enjoy this time and to get more intimate.

It is always best that when you are trying something new that you have all the information you can so that you can have a successful time with your partner in bed.

Seems virtual reality went mainstream last year and took porn with it. Virtual reality porn, also known as vr porn, is said to allow you something beyond your wildest imagination.

 

Sex Advice – Improve Your Sex Life Like an Olympic Athlete

Sex is not always a sport and, although sex games and sex positions abound, it should never be a competition. However, if you want to become a gold medalist in bed, you can’t expect to sit back and hope that the best sex of your life descends on you by magic or is somehow passed down through the genes of your ancestors. You have to train.

Superstar coaches of practically every sport on the planet train their aspiring athletes with the same basic principle. No matter what the sport, competition, or activity, the best training always consists of two essential parts: mental and physical. Training must be 50% mental and 50% physical.

The physical 50% is the kind everyone who has ever watched a sports movie is all too familiar with. In sports, it involves those ten-mile hikes through the mud in the rain at 5 AM. It involves charging through barriers made of foam, stepping through gauntlets made of tires, and passing the ball back and forth until it becomes second nature.

In the arena of adult sex, the physical 50% means that you need to get as much practice as you possibly can. Know your own body like… the back of your hand. Get to know the body or bodies of your spouse, partner, or friends with benefits until you can trace them in your sleep. Don’t expect to have mind-blowing sex every time right away. Expect only to practice.

But just like in any sport, the physical 50% is not enough.

For athletes, the mental 50% involves both watching other professionals perform the right way the actions they hope to excel at and also playing back the tapes of their own performances in order to spot their own weak areas. The mental 50% is all about studying, immersing their minds in the sport, activity, or action so much so that when they get on the field, their bodies automatically follow suit.

In sex, the mental 50% can be accomplished in a number of ways.

Reading is one of the easiest ways to train your mind in the art of sex. Sex advice is readily available in large and free quantities online, so find a sex blog or sex advice portal that you love and visit it often.

Playing the tapes back is another great way to get in the mental 50%, so don’t be ashamed to find some tasteful erotica and take notes. If your partners or friends with benefits are adventurous enough, you may find it equal parts enjoyable and educational to film yourselves in various states of undress performing various sex positions and sexual acts. When you watch yourselves later, you can highlight the things you did that really made your partner scream as well as make a mental note of the things they did that sent shivers through your spine.

As you sculpt your body and your mind for the best sex of your life, don’t forget what sex is essentially all about – having fun and connecting with your partner. In sex and sports alike, perfection is never guaranteed, only improvement.